War Of The Sexes
by dave-d
Summary: Vacation. Camping. Friendly joking amongst the sexes. A silly oneshot story.


It was a lovely secluded spot, high in the mountains.

A chill breeze blew, causing the flames in the campfire to dance and gyrate.

The large rim of felled hardwood trees was made by a logging company that had helped clear the land below the protected park. A number of tents had sprouted up, like mushrooms in a forest circle. Others were still snug in their carrying bags.

Food was cooking. The sound of bottles banging against bottles carried far out into the darkness. The vacationing chuunins and jounins were enjoying one of their rare getaways.

Of course, even though they were far away from the Hidden leaf Village, they had brought some of their personal rivalries along in their backpacks. This was a great time to tell jokes at someone else's expense. Naturally, it was all in good fun.

"A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain," Sakura said, making certain that Ino was listening. "'I would like to buy this TV,' she told the salesman. 'Sorry miss, we don't sell to blondes,' he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman 'I would like to buy this TV.' 'Sorry, we don't sell to blondes,' he replied. 'Darn, he recognized me,' she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. 'I would like to buy this TV.' 'Sorry, we don't sell to blondes,' he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed 'How do you know I'm a blonde?' 'Because', he replied, 'that's a microwave.'

"But Sakura-chan, _I'm _blonde." Naruto frowned.

"So?" Sakura asked, glad to be able to pay back Naruto for any number of his jokes and pranks over the year. "What's your point?"

"I don't know if I like sharing anything with Naruto!" Ino shook out her blonde hair. She winked at Naruto, letting him know that she was only joking. While the two of them weren't exactly close, they got along much better since they all made chuunin. "But, I have to give him credit. He must be pretty strong… and patient… working in a team with a pink-haired girl." She smirked at Sakura.

"I take it you have a pink-haired joke?" Shikamaru sighed, leaning back against a log. He looked up at the night sky, watching as long clouds obscured the large harvest moon. "This is all so bothersome."

"Ino's very bright," Choji said, looking dreamily at Ino. He munched away at his snacks like there was no tomorrow. "I'm sure she does."

"Thank you, Choji." Ino wrinkled her nose, looking at Shikamaru. It would be nice if he would stop complaining about everything. "There was a pink-haired girl that was so sick of pink-hair jokes that she bleached her hair. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, that she went for a long walk in the country one sunny afternoon. While on that walk, she saw a flock of sheep and stopped to take in their beauty. She noticed that a farmer was nearby too, just standing there watching. She walked up to him asked some questions about raising sheep. Hen she said 'If I can guess how many sheep are in your flock, can I have one?' The farmer agreed. The girl guessed three hundred. The farmer said 'That's correct. Go pick out the one you want'. She went into the flock, selected a sheep, and then headed home. The farmer stopped her, and asked 'If I can guess what your natural hair color is, can I have my dog back?'"

"**Good one!" **Kiba slapped his knee, ignoring the look that Sakura gave him. He smiled when Akamaru barked his appreciation. Any story with a dog in it was a good story. "Let me see…" he looked around the campsite, with its huge bonfire and rough hewn logs. Sitting on one log, eyes glued to Naruto's face, was the perfect target. "Blondes and pink-haired girls are pretty bad," he said. "But not as bad as girls with _indigo_ hair."

"Kiba-kun…" Hinata began rubbing her fingers together.

"Hey Kiba, don't make fun of Hinata." Naruto shook a fist. "You ought to pick on someone who can stand up for herself."

"Ummm…" Hinata was glad that Naruto was standing up for her. It made her feel faint. But, she didn't want to have him think that she was weak and helpless. "Get bent, Kiba-kun." She had heard Kiba use that phrase many a time.

Kiba's mouth fell open, as he watched Naruto give a blushing Hinata a 'V' sign. Then he smiled. "Well alright Hinata." That wasn't going to stop his joke, however. "An indigo-haired girl gets on a ship and sits down in the first class section of the cabin. The cabin attendant rushes over to her and tells her she must move to the rear of the ship because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The indigo-haired girl replies, 'I'm indigo-haired, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach the Country of Water'. The disgusted attendant gets the head steward, who asks the indigo-haired girl to leave. But, the girl repeats 'I'm indigo-haired, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach the Country of Water' The steward doesn't even know what to do at this point, because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to shove off. the indigo-haired girl is causing a problem with boarding now, so the cabin attendant gets the Captain of the ship. That seasoned man goes up to the indigo-haired girl and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the rear of the ship. The steward and cabin attendant looked on in amazement, asking what he had said. The Captain replied, 'I told her the front half of the ship wasn't going to the Country of Water'."

"It wasn't an indigo-haired girl, it was Gai." Kakashi lowered his book, blinking rapidly when he realized that a drunken Anko was staring intensely at him. "The exact same thing happened to him on a mission to the Hidden Village of Cloud." He smiled when his long time rival began sputtering. "That reminds me of a story." He said a silent apology to Lee in advance. "A painting contractor was speaking to a woman whose house he had agreed to paint. She sad she wanted the first room a pale blue. He wrote it down, went to the window opened it and yelled **'GREEN SIDE UP.' **They walked into the second room and she said she wanted it a soft yellow color. He wrote that down, went to the window opened it and yelled, **'GREEN SIDE UP.' **The woman was curious but didn't say anything. They walked into the third room and she said she wanted a warm rose color. The painter wrote that down and went to the window and opened it, he yelled **'GREEN SIDE UP.'** Finally the woman asked, 'Why do you keep yelling that out the window?' "I'm sorry," the contractor replied, 'But I also work as a landscaper. I have a crew of bushy-eye browed workers laying sod across the street'."

"That was great," Anko slurred. That had Kakashi concerned that he was not sharing a tent with anyone else.

"**_OHHHH-HHH-HH-H-H-H_**…" Gai stood up, followed by Lee. "Kakashi, my life long rival, your jealousy is there for everyone to see." He looked around the campfire, seeing if the assembled chuunin and jouin would agree with him.

"Did you say something, Gai?" Everyone asked that at the same time. They were well versed in Kakashi's usual response to the bushy-eye browed jounin.

"**Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h-h-h**…" Lee clenched his fists, his eyes reflected the oaring fire. "Gai-sensai is the best!" He struck a pose. "There once was a grey-haired man…" He stopped, realizing that he couldn't remember any jokes. "I mean… there is a man with a little book…" He almost broke down and began a few hundred leg kicks, after failing his teacher in front of everyone.

"It's OK, Lee." Ten Ten looked over at Neji, wishing that she could sit in his lap and lean back the way that Kurenai was doing with Asuma. "You tried your best. _Neji?"_

"You go ahead," Neji said, content to stay quiet.

"If you say so," Ten Ten said pleasantly. She nodded to Gai and Lee. "Two men with sharingan eyes went to the market." She stretched for a moment, and moved her weapons bag to a more comfortable location. It was a good thing that Sasuke had not accompanied them on this trip, seeing that he was still under probation after returning to the Leaf. The strong silent routine worked with Neji. On Sasuke, it just seemed creepy. "While they were there, they each bought a horse. When they got home, they discussed how to tell their horses apart. They decided to cut the tail off of one. That worked for a while, but soon the tail grew back, so they decided that they would break one of the horses' legs. One of the sharingan users asked, 'Which of the horses should we break the leg off of, the brown one or the white one?'"

Neji actually smiled. That had Ten Ten ready to swoon. Gai and Lee both gave Ten Ten a manly pose, the light shining off of their teeth.

"That wasn't so funny!" Naruto stood up, feeling a need to come to his Team leader's defense. "A young ventriloquist is touring the Fire Country, and stops to entertain in a bar. He's going through his usual jokes about people with strange hairdos, when a girl in the audience stands up, her hair having two large bun-things on top." He glared at Ten Ten. "The girl spoke in a threatening voice, saying 'I've heard just about enough of your smart mouth funny-hair jokes. People with hair like this _ain't _all stupid!' Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the girl interrupts him and says, 'You stay out of this mister… I'm talking to the smart mouth little fella on your knee!'

"**_AHHHHH-HHHH-HHH-HH-H-H-H_**…" Gai opened his mouth to speak.

"**Oh-hhh-hhh-hhh-hhh**…" Lee stood as well.

"Takes a dummy to tell a story about a dummy," Ten Ten said.

Everybody went silent. Someone had whistled, very loudly. It was Asuma. Blowing out a cloud of tobacco smoke, the burly jouin took not notice of Kurenai trying to wave the smoke away from her.

"Now, I really don't think we need to turn this evening into some kind of fight between teams, right?" Asuma said. He smiled. "Not when we have a much better way to have some fun." He nodded over at Kakashi who gave him a two finger salute. He looked over at Gai, but he seemed oblivious.

"This will be troublesome," Shikamaru said. "I think I'll head over to my tent."

"Want some company?" Ino asked. "I mean… you know…" She blushed when the guys all laughed at her.

"It's too bad that Temari couldn't come," Choji said. "It might have been nice if our friends from the Sand could have joined us."

Ino stood very still for a moment. Then, she deliberately walked over, took on of Choji's snack bags, and popped it over his head.

"Want one, Shikamaru?" Choji held one of the chips out to his friend. "It's Lime and Black Pepper." He munched it down when his teammate closed his eyes and sighed.

Exhaling another cloud of smoke, Asuma chuckled. This would certainly rile everybody up. "So guys, what are the sure fire ways to know that you're a woman."

"**Ask Sasuke!" **Naruto couldn't resist getting in a dig at his friend, even though he wasn't there. That smug Uchiha attitude was wearing on him again.

"_No way!" _Sakura shook her head. She, Ten Ten, and Ino sighed. Lee looked at Sakura and hung his head.

"Whine!" Kiba said, answering Asuma's question. Akamaru barked in agreement.

"When asked if something is bothering you, you reply 'no'. Then, get mad when the guy believes you." Gai nodded. He'd been stung by that on many an occasion.

"Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties. Start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior." Asuma ignored the look that Kurenai gave him.

"Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening." That was Neji. Everyone looked over at him, shocked. No one expected him to contribute to something like this. Ten Ten blushed.

"Whine!" Kiba accepted another beer from Naruto.

"If _she_ wants to get some sleep, it's because of her hard work throughout the day." Kakashi smiled. He knew that Jiraiya would have enjoyed observing this kind of contest. "But if _you _want to get some sleep, it's because you're lazy."

"If he pays attention to you, he's smothering you." That was Shino. The entire forest went quiet. Even the owls stopped hooting.

"If he gives you space, he's ignoring you!" Gai frowned. Who really understood women?

"Whine!" Kiba laughed. "Whine… whine… whine…" He swallowed hard, effects of the last beer burned off by the look he got from Anko.

"**If you have big breasts!" **Naruto smiled. He was noticing that kind of thing more and more. He expected all of the guys to congratulate him on his observation.

"Who invited _him?" _Asuma asked. That had everyone laughing.

Hinata looked down at her chest. She looked over at Naruto. Nhe looked down at her chest again. She sighed.

"Hah hah hah. That was all _so _very funny," Ino said. "And I always thought that girls were suppose to mature faster than guys." Her sarcasm fell on deaf ears.

Anko stood up and stretched slowly, arching her back. Smiling, she nodded to Kurenai. "OK girls, I'll get this one started. Why I'm glad I'm a woman." She licked her lips, walked with a bit of a wiggle, and sat down on a log next to Kakashi. "I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am. I don't live off of Sake, Ramen, and Spam."

"I don't brag to my buddies about my erections," Kurenai said. "I won't drive into Hell before I ask for directions."

"I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown," Ino said. "And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!"

"I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt," Kurenai said, taking out Asuma's cigarette and grinding it into the dirt with her heel. "My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut." She elbowed him in the belly.

"And I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch," Anko said, smiling at the beads of sweat forming on the Copy Ninja's forehead. "Or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch."

"I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind," Sakua looked at Naruto, stifling a laugh when he made a face. "I'm a woman you see… I'm just not that kind!"

"I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing," Kurenai spoke in a musical voice. "I don't have body hair like shag carpeting."

"It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back," Sakura said. "When I lean over, you can't see three inches of crack." That had all of the girls whistling. Naruto didn't think that she was talking about him. He pulled his trousers up some, just the same.

"And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb," Ino said. "I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome."

"Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side," Ten Ten added. "I'm a woman, you know… I've got far too much pride!" She looked over at Neji. "I… well… I didn't mean you…"

"**_Quiet! _**No fraternizing with the enemy." Anko pointed at Ten Ten with a wicked looking knife. That blade had Kakashi sliding a bit further down the log. "Hinata. Your turn."

"Ummm… well… I…" She sat frozen. She didn't know what to say.

"Hear, I'll help you. Just repeat what I say." Anko got up, walked over, and began whispering into the white-eyed girl's ear.

"I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks," Hinata said, word for word. "Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick." She fell off of her seat.

"**Hinata-chan!" **Naruto laughed so hard his almost split his side. "You said 'dick'."

Sakura ran over to help Hinata, who looked to have passed out.

"Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see," Anko said, shaking her head when she looked down at Hinata. "Forget all about that old penis envy." Just as she thought, the word 'penis' had Hinata passing out again just as she woke up.

"I won't act real tough and avoid the word 'cute'," Sakura said. "And I wouldn't be caught dead in a green stretchy suit!" That had Gai stammering and Lee looking dejected.

The girls added a few more lines before Kurenai finished up. "I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true. I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!"

"Uh huh,' Asuma said, lighting up another cigarette. He offered the pack around, but no one wanted any. Akamaru looked up at Kiba, who said "No way! Those things aren't good for you."

"How about listing some rules that men wish women would know?" Kakashi offered.

"If you think you're fat, you probably are." That one came from Choji. It had the women looking down at their bodies, just to reassure themselves. "Don't ask us, we refuse to answer." He still wasn't happy that Ino kept harping on his being too chunky.

"Learn to work the toilet seat," Asuma said. "If it's up, Put it down."

"Do not cut your hair. _Ever." _Kiba took out a couple of hot dogs, put them on a long slender stick, and held them out into the fire. "Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons that guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her."

Hinata put her hand up to her hair. She bit her lip, looking over at Naruto.

"If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer that you don't want to hear." Kakashi added.

"Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it." That was Shino again. A number of people pinched themselves , to make sure they weren't dreaming.

"Do not ask us what we are thinking about, unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Noodles, Manga, or Navel Lint!" Naruto folded his arms over his chest. He wondered why Hinata kept looking at him, but turned away every time he noticed.

"Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way." Neji ran a hand through his hair.

"When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. _Really." _Asuma said.

"You have enough clothes," Kakashi put in, following through on that idea.

"You have too many shoes.," Shikamaru said, having seen his mother's closet.

"Ask for what you want," Gai said. "**_AHHH-H-H-H! _**Let us be clear on this one fact: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. _Just say it!"_

"Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes." Naruto stood up, putting his hands on his hips.

"**Jerk," **Ino said.

"_Idiot," _Sakura added, hating to agree with Ino.

"Thanks. We _really_ wanted to hear that," Ten Ten made a face.

"Hey! At least I didn't say 'dick' or penis', Naruto countered. Hinata began getting dizzy again.

"Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question," Lee said. He remembered his father telling his mother that once. That had ended up eating take-out food that night.

"A headache that lasts for twelve months is a problem. See a doctor." Asuma frowned.

"Foreign films are best left to foreigners," Kiba said.

"If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys." Kakashi began flipping through his Icha Icha book again.

"_Gai-sensei?" _Lee asked, perplexed.

"I'll tell you later," Gai said.

"After he asks me," Ten Ten said, joking.

"Really?" Neji asked, making a stern face. That had Ten Ten mumbling an explanation. She clenched her fists, seeing that Neji had been yanking her chain.

"If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the _other _one." Shikamaru spoke from experience. Well, it was his father's experience actually.

"Let us ogle," Asuma said. "We are going to look anyway; it is genetic."

"Don't rub the lamp, if you don't want the genie to come out." That was Shino again. Everyone was too stunned to be shocked.

"L-L-Lamp…" Hinata blinked rapidly.

"_Oi! _Hinata-chan. Want me to explain it to you?" Naruto was always glad to be helpful.

"**Eep." **Hinata shook her head, turning dark red.

"You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done…not both." Gai struck a pose, feeling a need to get it out of his system. Shrews need to eat almost constantly to keep on living. With Gai, it was posturing.

"Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials," Kiba drawled, holding his hand out for Akamaru to give him five.

"If it itches, it will be scratched," Naruto said, sagely.

"If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle." Kakashi said.

"If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together." Asuma laughed. He wouldn't have, if he had seen Kurenai reaching for her weapons pouch.

"I'm certain we're all the much wiser for that, _right _ladies?" Kurenai flicked away Asuma's cigarette. "But, we all know what men are like, don't we." She smiled. "I guess with most of this group, I should say 'Boys'." She took a mixed drink that Anko handed her.

"Men are like coolers," Anko said. "Fill them with beer, and you can take them anywhere!"

"Men are like computers," Ino said. "Hard to figure out, and never have enough memory."

"Men are like Placemats," Sakura said. "They only show up when there's food on the table."

"_So?" _Naruto grumped. He rubbed his belly, thinking about Ramen.

"Men are like Vacations," Anko said. "They never seem to be long enough." That had Gai choking on the beer he swigged.

"Men are like Mascara," Ten Ten said, giving Neji a pointed look. "They usually run at the first sign of emotion."

Men are like Snowstorms," Anko offered. "You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last."

"Men are like Government Bonds," Kurenai added. "They take so long to mature."

"Men are like Parking Spots," Anko said, looking over at Kakashi again. "The good ones are taken and the rest are too small."

"Want to explain that one to Hinata, Naruto?" Sakura's quip had long tails of orange chakra swirling around her teammate.

"I don't need to," Naruto said, scowling. "I can prove it…" he put his hand on his zipper.

"**NO!" **Everyone but Hinata had shouted at once. Hinata had keeled over again. It was happening so often, that Kurenai got up to put a few pillows and rolled up sleeping bags behind her friend.

"Men are like Lava Lamps," Kurenai said, getting the ball rolling again. "Fun to look at, but not all that bright."

"Men are like High Heels," Anko laughed. "They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it." That had Kakashi fumbling his book.

"Men are like Chocolate bars," Kurenai mentioned. "Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips."

"Men are like Horoscopes," Ino stated. "They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong."

"_Right, _Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"No!" Naruto said, shaking his head.

"**_SEE!" _**The women all laughed.

"Don't worry about them," Asuma said. "They're just upset because they are all replaceable." He knew that Kurenai would realize he was joking. But, he wasn't terribly worried if she didn't. This was a guy thing. It wasn't right for them all to gang up on one boy.

"_Huh?" _Naruto scratched his head.

"Let me tell you a story," Asuma said. "A woman was shopping for a gift for her boyfriend, thinking that it might be nice to have a pet around. But, she was concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop was charging were way too high. She went to the clerk and explained her concern. 'Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for fifty bucks,' the clerk said. _'What!' _The woman replies. 'That seems terribly expensive for a frog.' 'Well, this frog is worth it,' the clerk said. 'It's been trained to give blow jobs'."

That had Kurenai covering Hinata's ears with her hands. Kiba chuckled. Choji almost choked on his chips, he was eating them so quickly.

"Anybody got fifty bucks?" Anko asked. She worked _Henge, _taking on the form of a frog. That had the guys all crossing their legs.

Naruto worked the _Kuchiyose No Jutsu, _biting his thumb and slapping it on the ground. After the smoke cleared, Gamakichi was sitting there. "Hey, guy! Found you a girlfriend!" He pointed over at frog Anko. He didn't mind using up chakra to make a joke. He had plenty to spare.

Gamakichi trembled. He knew trouble when he sensed it. "Th-Th-That one is b-b-bad…" He disappeared with a croak when Anko resumed her human form.

"I think I might be starting to like you," Anko told Naruto. "You've got a nasty sense of humor. Hmmmm… for you, twenty five bucks."

It was Naruto's turn to fall off his log. "Naruto-kun…" Hinata whispered.

"Back to the story," Asuma said. He broke the top off of a beer bottle by smacking it against a rock. Grinning, he poured it into a large tin mug. "The woman was stunned, but because her boyfriend loved that sort of sex… and because she was not particularly fond of it… she decided that the frog might be a good investment. She bought the frog, brought it home, presented it to her boyfriend, and explained its special value. The guy was skeptical, but promised to give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily, knowing she won't be bothered by her boyfriend that night. She was suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. Going downstairs, she found the frog and her boyfriend pulling out pots and pans and pouring over cookbooks. 'What are you two doing down here?' she asked. The guy responded, 'If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!'"

The guys all laughed. Except for Anko, the girls were not amused. Before they could counter with something, Shino put down his beer. There were already a dozen empties at his feet. "I will never understand you women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax… pour it onto your upper thigh… rip the hair out by the roots… and still be afraid of a spider."

"It's OK, guy!" Kiba chuckled, loking down at the empty bottles. "You don't need to understand them, if you know what I mean." He opened a beer and poured it into Akamaru's bowl. _"Hey! _Anyone know why beer is better than women?"

"You can enjoy a beer all month long!" Asuma said.

"You don't have to wine and dine a beer," Kakashi added.

"You're beer will wait patiently while you watch anime!" Naruto was not speaking from any kind of experience.

"If your beer is flat, you can toss it out." Neither was Choji.

"Beer is never late!" Neji said, feeling the effects of his light drinking.

"A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer," Gai said.

"Hangovers will go away easy," Kakashi said.

"When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer." Kiba smiled when Akamaru belched.

"If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head." Once again, Shino's comment had everyone gasping.

"A frigid beer is a good beer!" Asuma said, looking over at Kurenai.

"A beer doesn't care what time you come home," Shikamaru said.

"It's OK to have a beer in public," Kakashi said.

"Well, that was very informative, gentlemen." Anko correctly judged the mood of the other women. "Very classy, too. Why don't we see if we can come up with something just as special." She thought a moment. "OK. This will do. Kurenai, you and I will be the only ones able to comment. Harsh Things a Woman Can Say to a Naked Man."

"We could just ask Gai," Kurenai said. That had all of the girls laughing. Gai's pose fell flat. "I'll start. 'Wow… but your feet are so big'."

"Good one!" Anko smirked. "Pay attention girls. 'I guess this makes me the early bird'."

"I have to remember that one," Kurenai said. "'Will it squeak if I squeeze it?'" That one had Ino snorting beer through her nose.

"Hinata, are you paying attention?" Anko was surprised. Hinata just nodded. She didn't fall over that time. "'But it still works, _right?_'"

"'Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?'" Kurenai made a face at Asuma.

"'Ahhhhh… it's so cute…'" Anko saw Gai blush.

"Just giggle and point," Kurenai remarked. "That will work every time."

""Maybe if we water it, it'll grow'." Anko chuckled. "Ever try that, Naruto?"

"Don't have too," Naruto said, sounding huffy. "Although in the shower, sometimes…"

"**NEVER MIND!" **Kureani, Ino, Ten Ten, and Sakura all shouted. Asuma and Gai gave Naruto a thumbs up. "I think that's enough of that," Ino said.

"Question!" Kiba shouted, feeling pleasantly mellow. "If your dog is barking at the back door and your girlfriend is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first?"

"Easy," Asuma said. "The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in."

"Very funny," Sakura said. "Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?"

"Because they already have boyfriends," Anko said, nodding.

"What do you call a woman with two brain cells?" Kakashi asked.

"Pregnant." That was Neji answering. All of the girls turned to glare at him_. "What? _I heard that joke somewhere." He looked over at Gai who started whistling.

"How do you save a man from drowning?" Kurenai asked.

"Take your foot off his head." That was Hinata. Everyone was more shocked at hearing that, than at anything Shino had said.

"_Hyuuga Hinata!" _Anko smiled a big smile.

"Ummm… well…" Hinata blushed. "I heard that one from Hanabi."

The joking finally fizzled out not too long after that. By the sound of it, an observer might have thought that the shinobi guys all hated ninja girls, or vice versa. But, that was hardly the case.

Grabbing a six pack, Asuma went off on a walk with Kurenai. Ten Ten pestered Neji until he gave in and let her give him a back rub. Choji sat chewing slowly, watching Ino. She in turn sighed, watching Shikamaru. Knowing he was being watched, Shikamaru rubbed his temples. Kiba sat thinking about his various girlfriends. Sakura carved a heart into her log, daydreaming about Sasuke. Lee stood gazing at Sakura, while Gai practiced a number of new poses. Shino stumbled about some, deciding to look for insects that only came out at night.

When Anko stepped out of her tent, having changed into a halter top and cut-off shorts, Kakashi swallowed hard, put away his book, and decided to disappear for a solo midnight jog. Not that easily avoided, Anko did some running of her own.

Naruto, of course, sat thinking about Ramen. What he wouldn't give for a nice steaming cup of Instant Noodles!

"Ummm… Naruto-kun…" Hinata tried to gather up her courage. "Do you… well… do you like these?" She held up a large Styrofoam cup. "I… ummm… I don't think I can eat them all by myself.

Naruto tripped, standing up. Could that be? It was! Hinata had a jumbo-sized cup of instant Ramen!

"Hinata-chan… you're beautiful…" Naruto spoke without thinking.

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THE END


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